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Written by Sheila Ocloo

I laugh out so loud when men read proverbs 31 and they attribute the chapter to the woman. These chapters, proverbs 31 and Ephesians 5 vs 22, which states that “…. wives should be submissive to the husbands as CHRIST……” are phrases that most men including Ministers of THE GOSPEL misunderstand. It seems they are the chapters most men use to manipulate and/or suppress women. Rather unfortunately, they force this poisonous antidote down our throats. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

First and foremost, let me state emphatically that a virtuous woman is NOT a woman who receives one dollar from her husband and magically provides a bowl of fufu and assorted meat in the soup, as dinner and buys all the house groceries with that amount. A virtuous woman is NOT the one who serves her husband by providing bowl and napkin to wash his hands after eating and gently bows like a canoe, thanking him for eating. A virtuous woman is NOT the woman who calls her husband “MY LORD” and does not say a word even when this foolish man burns her alive. I will POUND YOUR JAW TO A HALT when a man physically attacks me! Women must STOP THIS NONSENSE FOR ONCE!

A man physically abuses you and you sit and pray instead of protecting yourself? what then is the use of a gun shop?

Let’s proceed.

I don’t want to sound biased. According to the google dictionary, VIRTUOUS means having or showing high moral stands.

A virtuous woman IS THE WOMAN WHO LOVES HERSELF. A WOMAN WHO LOVES HERSELF enough to extend that love to her spouse. What can we give, if we did not receive? This statement is supported in proverbs 31 vs 11. It states, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…” (Dakes annotated Bible). How can a man trust a woman who does not trust herself?

The author confirms my concerns after several illustrations of the characteristics of a good woman in verse 23 which states, “Her husband is known in the gates, when He sitteth among the elders of the land.” (Dakes annotated bible). It is NOT A LAZY MAN, who sits among ELDERS. It is definitely NOT a man who gives a dollar to his wife and expects her to cook a King’s dish for him. When a man sits among Elders, it presupposes that HE IS AN ELDER TOO. An Elder the man who takes responsibilities and you gain TRUST with the people and finds FAVOUR with God. A man who makes sound decisions and accurate judgement. A man who says “I AM SORRY” when he is wrong. A man WHO LISTENS TO HIS WIFE. ‘Listens’ because HIS HEART DOTH SAFELY TRUST IN HER (VS 11).

My next question will be, why will a man sit at the gate when he is supposed to be attending to his business. I don’t want to believe that in the Jewish culture, everyday is holiday. We all know how the Jews don’t play with their businesses, so what will he be sitting there for? We can also assume that perhaps, he handed over his job in the hands of a caretaker to watch over for him until he gets back. Probably, he closed his shop to have a business discussion with his fellow businessmen at the gate. How can this be possible? All merchandise shops closed or left in the hands of caretakers at a specific time? How will their business thrive? It will be a theft galore.

The answer above is simple. The man hands over his business or his monies to his wife who then turns the money into more profits. This, then contradicts the assertions that a woman should hand over her monies to her husband after she has worked so hard. African men won’t kill us oo. They have used us for bitter leaf stew for far too long. The men are supposed to give their monies to us. We in turn multiply. Our ability to multiply is what makes the bible describe us as virtuous. How does she multiply the received monies? She does this by working hard willingly, by travelling and buying food from afar, by rising up while it is yet night to feed her household, by considering a field and buying it, by strengthening her arms, by perceiving her merchandise is good, by laying her hands on the spindle and by stretching her hand to the poor. Can you imagine men especially the African who wants to see their wives doing all these without contributing a dime? Now that is BULL SHIT, if you ask me. Are we Captain Planets?

Who then is more virtuous than the other? The man or the woman? One will agree with me that, it takes a great amount of STRENGTH, GRACE, FAITH AND TRUST to put your resources including money into your wife’s hands. The woman only does the above “simple” requirements. Simple, I say because she has all the needed resources. Why should a woman then be called virtuous?


Let me tackle this issue. Most men are looking for women with the above qualities to marry. It is so funny how they will NOT LOOK INTO HOW DEEP THEIR POCKETS ARE AND FILL IT.

There are also single women who have generated a business empire without the help of a man. We see lazy men marrying these women. Men who don’t work and they hide in the proverbs 31 ticket. IT is THE WOMAN’S MONEY AND YOU DON’T DESERVE A DIME!

Ironically, in our African society such affluent women will be tagged prostitutes or having acquired their money from spiritual manipulations. Others will have verbal abuse thrown at them because they are single. Most African men do not approach such women for marriage. It makes sense because these women will not allow themselves to be mentally abused. Something most men don’t want. They want the quiet, gentle and soft-spoken women. Women they can oppress. These men are sick. They need swimming lessons. Are they saying a woman is not capable of raising her own business? What do these people take us for?

There are men and even certain cultures who don’t give monies to their wives. They cheat on these women and have other concubines. They beat them when these women complain. They tell their pastors “…. She is not virtuous ….” Shame on you man.


Most men especially PASTORS, preach on this chapter WRONGLY. Please research and confirm with the HOLY SPIRIT before you stand to preach. Some of us are way too tired of these schemes to mentally abuse and suppress women.

There are few exceptions where men try hard to find work. In such a scenario, when you want your wife to be up to task, COMMUNICATE YOUR DIFFICULTIES TO HER. Say SORRY, when you are wrong.

In conclusion, let us answer the question in proverbs 31, “…a virtuous woman WHO CAN FIND? THE ANSWER IS A VIRTUOUS MAN. If a man is NOT virtuous, he does NOT deserve a virtuous woman. Wake up from your slumber o lazy man, work hard and earn what you deserve.

Stand up virtuous men, empty your pockets, give us the car keys, let us have the fuel cards and hold your wallets for you. We promise to pick and drop you at the gates. We will do you ONLY GOOD and not harm. We will love you and your soul will be satisfied. We can’t be called VIRTUOUS without you.

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