WRITTEN BY: SHEILA OCLOO
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Sometimes we want “GOOD” things but, we are afraid to take them. We are afraid to take certain risk, express our love, take that job or move from our current location or space. We don’t want to go on vacations perhaps the amount spent could be used on some other important things or emergency purposes.
I once had a crush on a girl and I decided to tell her. Please don’t ask me what my sexual preferences / orientations are. Well to be courteous and CANDID enough, I think I am a Douritric. “What the HELL is that” one may ask? Well, I don’t know myself but I think it means I can fall in love with ANYTHING OR ANYONE at any time, only don’t put me in a box and /or label me. I am honestly doing you a favor; save your breath or you might end up using your energies categorizing me into thousands of other labels. A task SIGMUND FREUD will NOT perform even if you gave him all the millions in the world. A sip from a cup of coffee and cigar whilst reading and occasionally listening to humming birds will do.
Anyway, I decided to tell her. Guess what! I was totally embarrassed. I sat starring “Blank” for hours. I read my countries constitution the following day and days after. Did I understand the legislative instruments and other criminal laws and clauses? NO! AND PERFECTLY WELL.
It wasn’t really the rejection that bothered me, it was the LAUGHTER of the thousand imaginary friends IN MY HEAD that made me cry.
Several weeks later, I wished I had kept my feelings to myself. It would have been far better an option. But I WAS HAPPY, I FELT FREE, I FELT LIGHT, I FELT PEACE. I moved on and I FOUND BETTER. MYSELF!
SO, WHAT! Because of the fear of death, pain, uncertainty, labels, biscuits and toffees I WONT PERSUE?
SO, WHAT! Because of rejection, anxiety and depression I WONT CHASE?
What have I got to lose? Will my choices and decisions be better than the one’s I have now? IF THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY YES! Fuck that and PERSUE. I deserve better darling. I WILL Lose the weight, go to school, sack that Narcist LOVER OR SPOUSE, play the tunes and won’t be shy to hit the DISCORD, I will raise my hand and answer the questions in class even if they are not the response my lecturers need, I will change my location. I will be visiting other parts of AFRICA to start with.
Fuck those gibberish things called FEAR that wants to mess with my head because, every minute I GROW is every minute I DIE! I choose COURAGE, I choose FAITH, I choose LOVE, I choose STRATEGY AND PLAN and I choose PATIENCE. I CHOOSE AND LIVE or DIE. Because I live to die, SO AM I DEAD? Whatever!! …….
I WILL CHASE AFTER ANYHOW, ANYWAY and ANY WHOM. DAMN THE CONSEQUENCES. Well DEATH, here you have it. YOU WON’T INTIMIDATE ME AGAIN because the minute I STOP, IS THE MINUTE YOU ARE! I have told You; I won’t give you that PLEASURE and I will tell you again FUCK YOU!